Navigating the emotional side of college decisions

How St. Mary’s supports students and families through one of life’s biggest transitions

For St. Mary’s seniors, the college admissions process isn’t just about applications, deadlines, and decisions; it’s about navigating one of the most emotionally complex transitions of their young lives.

That’s why Amy Poag, Director of Counseling at St. Mary’s Episcopal School, partners with her colleagues to help students thrive.

“I’m a neutral sounding board — a place where students can lay everything out without feeling like anyone has a stake in the outcome,” Poag said.

Poag, a licensed mental health counselor now in her fourth year at St. Mary’s, meets with students throughout the school year as emotions evolve from fall through spring. The process often begins even before classes start, at the senior retreat at Victory Ranch, where students begin grappling with the reality that their final year of high school has arrived.

“There’s excitement, and there’s also a lot of uncertainty,” she said. “They’re standing with one foot in the known and secure, and one foot stepping into adulthood. That’s a lot for an 18-year-old.”

As the fall progresses, students quickly dive into Common App workshops, essays, and meetings with college counselors. That’s when some find their way to Poag’s office.

“They’ll say, ‘I can’t believe I’m here,’” she said. “For some, it’s relief — they’re ready to move on. For others, it’s overwhelming. And for many, it’s both at the same time.”

Poag notes that the emotional arc of senior year is far from linear. Early decision notifications in the winter can bring joy for some and disappointment for others, while spring introduces a new wave of pressure as students weigh offers, finances, and fit.

Poag often sees significant emotional growth during that span.

“The maturity level from August to May changes dramatically,” she said. “They’re still kids, but every few months you see real development. Some students even start questioning decisions they were very confident about earlier in the year. That’s normal.”

St. Mary’s counseling approach is intentionally collaborative. While Poag is not part of the application process, she works closely with the college counseling team to ensure student well-being remains central.

“Together, we pay attention to how our girls are navigating senior year,” she said. “Sometimes the college counselors share a student concern with me, or I will share one with them. If helpful, I’ll join a meeting with a student and her family. It’s about wrapping support around the student.”

That support also includes proactive conversations about mental health beyond high school. St. Mary’s juniors participate in a wellness day that includes sessions on mental health in college, and parents are brought into those conversations during senior year. Students are encouraged to access counseling resources and support systems as part of their college search, something that is especially important for those with learning differences or ongoing mental health needs.

Poag sees today’s students navigating pressures previous generations didn’t face. Social media amplifies comparison. College decisions are publicly shared. Essays, webinars, and engagement expectations are far more intensive.

“The whole process is on display,” she said. “They’re processing more information, more global issues, and more expectations than ever before.”

Her role, she said, is simple but essential: stay present, stay neutral, and remind students that their well-being matters just as much as where they enroll.

“This process is hard,” Poag said. “It’s different from what alumni experienced, but it’s not bad. It’s just different. And our job is to help students move through it feeling supported, grounded, and confident in who they are becoming.”

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